Im so used to being independent esp when it comes to finance.

for years, that part of my life was in the state of my comfort.

altho there are times when I felt like I was broke, but it never really stayed long and I always rise back up almost immediately.

but now that things change and Im no longer an undergraduate, spoonfed by the government, and only living off from my parttime job earning a max of $115, my income drastically got cut off pretty much 90% of my usual income.

imagine living independently & comfortably for about 6 years now, then all of the sudden its gone.

I feel like ive been crazy broke since June, so that makes it my 4th month now.

believe me when i say that im going insane, it makes me feel terribly helpless, lonely, exhausted and driving closer to the state of depression. only this time its something new, finance.

I miss the comfort of little things, like not having to think 100 times just to buy a bag of my fav potato chips, satisfying my little cravings and shit like that. it frustrates me that I cant even buy self care necessities.

its really exhausting the fact that im working my ass off day til night every fucking day only to keep up with my monthly bills for fuel & phone bills and thats it. i have no room to waste my money on anything else and thus its demotivating. i feel like my hardwork is very much continuous but at the end of the day, theres no reward and contentment.

sigh. im so fucking tired. there are days when i just feel like i dont wanna work and simply take a break or just ONE day off to relax. but i cant. i have no choice but to utilize my time to earn, in order to ease my financial burden at the end of the month.

NGALIH KU NGALIH 😭😭😭

i JUST WANT TO REWARD MYSELF WITH SOMETHING FOR MY ENDLESS HARDWORK BUT I FUCKING CANT 😭😭😭

i dont think he knows how much he means to me. and how lucky i am to have him in my life. life havent been on my side lately but he has. he gave me strength and motivates me to be better whenever i feel like i cant do it or when i feel like Im on the verge of giving up, and I am so so grateful for that.

[thepersonalquotes]

[lylylylylylylylyly]

i admit that I have this tendency of pushing people away. i see it as a defense mechanism to avoid disappointments cos it often lead to misunderstanding, conflict, neglect & heartbreaks. I know that massive strength is deeply rooted in me. I know that Im strong and capable but carrying these burden by myself gets really lonely. hence, mental breakdowns here and there are bound to happen. i guess i just have to remind myself that this will pass. the idea that silver lining is coming upon me is what i always use as justification and personal opium. at the end of the day, i just have to be patient and remain strong.

[comfortinthepanic-deactivated20]

“looking back on my life, you're the only good I've ever done”

[comfortinthepanic-deactivated20]

i'm so in love with you and i hope you know. darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold. we've come so far my dear look how we've grown and i wana stay with you until we're grey and old.

[hobolunchbox]

Hangin’